Overcoming Embarrassment

Whilst there are many uber-confident beings in the world of languages, I, like many others I'm sure, have struggled with a deep sense of embarrassment when it comes to actually using my language skills.

I have often found it difficult to be myself around other people. I can be vastly different on my own from the way I behave around other people; I have many different appearances personality-wise and I doubt I am on my own there. I can spend too much time worrying what people think of not me as a person as such, but of the things that I do and of the words that I say. Did I upset them? Was that too direct? Should I have said something then? So transfer that situation into a foreign land and you can imagine that at the beginning, speaking a language that is not my own would have been difficult.

Why is speaking another language any different? Whilst being comfortable to speak up in your native English, another language can be quite the challenge. Of course you may understand the grammar in the textbook in the classroom in the United Kingdom, and you may have lists of vocabulary that you have practised every other day (or maybe not), but face-to-face with a bona fide French person with an unprompted conversation on a wide range of possible topics and, well, that's hard for anybody who has never done it before. There is only so long you can pause with a "qu'est ce que j'allais dire?" ("what was I going to say?") before you really need to actually finish your sentence. That is not just a challenge, that's downright daunting.

The nuances of language are incredible. Unless you take the time to notice that none of us does in our daily life, they pass you by completely when you speak your own language yet it hits you very hard when suddenly you begin to express yourself and get half way through a sentence before realising... How can I say this? As a native English-speaker, you know when it is acceptable to swear, you know what register of language to use with the boss, you know how to avoid hurting others' feelings, how to put something indirectly, and you know, most importantly that you "faint", not "fall into the apples".

Linguists are often told during their learning to find another way around your original sentence if you begin to struggle, maybe by turning a verb into a noun, which is an incredibly useful art in itself, but needing to do so demonstrates that you have not quite entirely grasped the subtleties of the language. This is by no means an attack, as you are taking the time to learn an alternative means of verbal communication with which many people do not bother, but can be frustrating and embarrassing if you, like I, get embarrassed by not being able to say exactly what you wanted the first time around.

However, in this respect, the year abroad is a marvellous thing. Towards the beginning of the experience, my silence made me fear everyone thought I was stupid. When I did speak, I was concerned about every aspect of my sentences. I would revert quickly to English if there was someone who spoke English around me. Assistants were advised not to let the students know we spoke French in order to make them speak English, but also so that they would not be able to laugh at us for making mistakes or for our accents.

Having been in France now for nearly four full months, this has changed. I get more respect from others and for myself for giving it my best shot than doing otherwise. I am not chatty in French like I am in English because I still do not know how to be, but I try, and especially in smaller groups. People are much more willing to help me when I ask than I previously thought. It is much easier to just speak and of course my sentences aren't perfect and maybe I translate things a little too literally from English, but unless you try, you will not find out if that is one of your bad habits, will you? Not only are English teachers a great back up if you are short of time for an explanation and you really cannot get out your French well enough (and of course this has happened to me) but they are a great source for speaking franglais and finding new vocabulary and expressions.

As for the children, well, yes I have experienced a few sniggers when I speak French to them to explain difficult words, or instructions (after all to explain in English would sometimes need whole twenty-two minute lesson), but frankly, their English is nowhere near as good as my French - and whose foreign languages are we improving in class anyway? - so their laughter goes straight in one ear and immediately out of the other. In fact, have found many younger students to be most impressed by my ability to speak French (although how on earth they thought I would be able to survive in France without any French is beyond me).

So where are we now? If you worry like I did, it is important to know that really it is true that people are not fixated on your faults as you believe, whether linguistic or any other. Simply walk away from those who are, or those who make you feel bad. You do not have time for that. Accept the compliments whilst you can - after people have known you for a while their frequency may well begin to fluctuate.

And most importantly? Whatever it is, whatever you do, believe that you can. It gets you further than you think.


P.S. To faint, in French is "tomber dans les pommes". or to fall into the apples.