I promised you fears, and as I'm feeling the fear right now, fears you'll get.
In the last couple of days I have filled in some of the many essential forms from both my university and British Council, bought travel insurance, a train to London and a Eurostar ticket from London to Paris. Everything is beginning to seem far too real and, with that, far too scary.
I do not yet have my train ticket from Paris to Bréauté, but let's blame that on the French! However, regardless, as of the evening of Tuesday 25th September 2012, I will be living in France. In France. On my own, away from any of my friends, family and almost everything that I know. Of course this is going to be good for me, as I'll not only learn to speak French properly, but also teach, live on my own, communicate, get over embarrassing situations (which will clearly be numerous) and, if everyone crosses their fingers, I'm going to enjoy it and have a great time. But it's still scary.
Firstly, my spontaneous French is not that great. All those "awkward moments when"? I have no doubt that I will beat those easily (especially those ones which are not actually awkward).
Also, that France is not a place to which I've ever really been, and I've never done such a journey on my own. I know France isn't the other side of the world, but it's a whole different country and I've only visited Paris a couple of times, as well as a week in eastern France, with a quick stop in Strasbourg. These have all been school trips in fairly big groups. I'm quite happy to travel on my own, but it's so far only been around Britain. This trip takes me to French territory whereupon disembarking the train I will be alone, with probably two suitcases and a rucksack, attempting to negotiate the Paris métro. It is an image which brings to mind the question, "what on Earth am I doing?"
Next on the list, I have spent my second year at university with a car and, because of that, going home on average every couple of weeks. Previous year abroad students have advised not going home between September and Christmas; whilst I see the benefits, this thought is not one I relish (and is one I will ignore if necessary). And I'm going to miss driving, obviously - it's just not worth taking my car with me.
Once I'm there, there's all the paperwork! France appears to love its bureaucracy, and even with the online guides, the prospect of struggling through it all... Well I can see a couple of sleepless nights as I tackle bank accounts, housing, healthcare and all the rest...
Finally, forgive my paranoia - if you know me well enough you will know how this plagues me - but my biggest worry is about friends back home forgetting my existence. What happens if they forget me, and no one in France likes me? Sounds ridiculous, sure, but try moving away for a year and it seems a bit more plausible, and definitely so if you're me! It's just all so weird, and well, potentially life-changing.
Hopefully though, these life changes will be positive, and I will return to Britain in April/May/June/July (who knows? I don't! I don't like not having a plan) a cultured being, having travelled around, being fluent in French and more ready than ever to face the world. One can only wait and see...
P.S. The header got fixed. Thanks, James.
love it! xxx
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